Responding to concerns that some members of the U. S. Navy had not lived up to the standards expected of them, the U. S. Navy has announced today the formation of the new Shore Leave Division. Members of this division will be specially trained in responsible drinking, as well as undergoing a whirlwind course in the etiquette of over two hundred cultures. Beginning on April 1st, 2004, every ship that puts out to sea will have a squadron or more of members of the new division, to take on the responsibilities and challenges of shore leave. The extra training is expected to produce vastly more efficient shore leave, improving crew morale substantially. Members of the division’s precision whoring squad will perform regular displays around the world, demonstrating the finesse and skill that have made the U. S. Navy famous everywhere.