Someone stole my spouse's porn.

2011-08-02 16:09

Okay, that’s not quite right. I mean, for one thing, when Jesse wrote it, it wasn’t porn, it was character development. Also, it’s not obvious that “stolen” applies correctly to a thing you still have after someone takes it.

If you think gay sex is gross, two things:
1. You’re right. (But that’s true of other sex, too.)
2. You may want to skip this post.

Actually, let’s be fair. The gross part isn’t the explicit sex. No, it’s that it was stolen for, get this, Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy slash. No, really. I am not making this up.

Okay, let’s… well. For starters, let’s have a look at the original material, the sex scene in Chapter 17 of The God Eaters.

Let’s grab a quote from that. WARNING: This is the gay porn part I was warning you about.

The string of endearments was too much, and when Kieran lapsed into Iavaian, Ash could no longer bear it. This time was far more intense; started deeper, peaked higher, blew every nerve like a blasting charge, destroyed him utterly. And just as the white fire began to recede, Kieran let go restraint and thumped hard into him with a groaning cry, which brought Ash, impossibly, to a second peak. Mind ended. Self was gone.

Of course, you’d have a problem if you wanted to make this into a Harry Potter fanfic, because they don’t have “Iavaian”. Well, let’s see. I bet you could think of something.

Harry breathed shudderingly onto Draco’s mouth as he allowed himself to go a little faster, push a little harder. “My Draco,” he groaned out, the only English words he said before slipping into Parseltongue and uttering stings of endearments against the blond’s lips. The Boy Who Lived was beyond reasoning as the blond’s muscles contracted around him, and he let his hips buck forward with slightly more force, striking deeper inside his boyfriend’s body.

When Harry lapsed into Parseltongue, and he felt the Gryffindor’s manhood drive into him, Draco could no longer bear it. The pleasure that rolled through him was as exquisite as Crucio was excruciating, and this time his orgasm was more deeply intense than when they had engaged in oral sex. It blasted through him like Expelliarmus, destroying him utterly.

Just as the white fire began to recede for the Slytherin, Harry let go of the final bit of restraint he had been holding onto and thumped hard into Draco a few more times with a groaning cry, which brought the blond, impossibly, to a second peak when Harry came inside of him.

Now, to fully appreciate (is that even the right word?) this train wreck, you have to understand that this is not the only part that’s clearly lifted. It’s just one of the ones where the lift-and-edit is most obvious. The whole thing is full of that. I have prepared a detailed, but explicit, side-by-side comparison of these, but do not click on that link if you don’t want to read explicit details.

And yes, the whole thing is somehow worse. I’m not sure whether that’s just the choice of words or the fact that it’s two underage boys, or maybe that it’s two underage boys acting completely out of character. What really gets me is: Most of the changes are nothing to do with the change in characters. They’re just shitty writing. Why bother copying and pasting a sex scene if you’re going to make it worse?

We screenshotted this for lulz, but I assume they’ll eventually fix it. In the mean time, for your reading agony, I present: Plagiarized Sex Scenes in Potter Fandom. (EDIT: This story is also posted on y-gallery, but you can only see that one if you have an account. The poster appears to be an admin at the site, which has a very clear no-plagiarism policy. We anticipate lulz.)

EDIT: No lulz. Admin wrote that story a couple of years before becoming an admin, and since made a very nice public acknowledgement and apology. Everyone’s so mature and reasonable these days.

Peter Seebach



  1. Wow, it’s a really shitty fanfic too… Refer to your characters by hair color, describe every thought in their heads but fail to set any kind of atmosphere, and give them a SEXY FEELINGS BOND. Might’ve had more success as a pan-fandom Mad Libs. I find it hilarious that the only decent bits in this fic are the stolen ones :D

    — Madcap · 2011-08-02 20:19 · #