This is a bit of family history, uncovered while sorting through boxes of paperwork.
My grandfather wrote this letter, to which he actually stapled a piece of asparagus. We have a copy of the letter. I don’t recall the outcome, but I think it was positive.
January 22nd, 1946
E. Pritchard Inc. Bridgeton, N. J.
Gentleman: We had your cut spears asparagus for dinner tonight and they are so incredible that I know you could not believe a description of them with- out a sample before you, and so you may know I do not exaggerate, one of these faggots is enclosed. It seems that these must have been especially bred for toughness, for even ordinary uncooked asparagus does not approximate this in tensile strength and indestructability. I have never eaten bamboo, but I imagine it could only be as tough as this if sufficiently aged. Seriously, we have enjoyed your catsup for years and am taking the trouble to write you since I am convinced that you must be unaware of this product which masquerades as a food under your brand name. One can of the stuff could undo $1000. in good advertising. Yours very truly,
(This letter was written when the notion of a “faggot” as a strong piece of wood was not an innuendo.)